I read with dismay and outrage, the scandal at Penn State that not only cost one of the greatest football coaches in College ball history his job, but more importantly cost the innocence of so many young children. The devastation caused by his lack of action in this case, has quickly become his legacy instead of his accomplishments as coach of the Lions. Recently his wife, Sue, was turned away from a Penn State pool. She's an avid swimmer and has frequented the same pool for many years, until now. Joe's new legacy is affecting more than himself.
What is your legacy? Who has it touched?
In this blog series I have dealt with the spectre of divorce and its devastating effects on the family left behind when a man walks out on his wife and children. When he does this, he creates for himself a new legacy, much the same as Joe Patero has created - a new and very much unwanted legacy.
As a man, it is our God-given responsibility to love, honor, and protect our family. We are to love our wives as God loves His church. If this is our spiritual calling, why do so many of us fail utterly? Why are there twelve divorces every hour somewhere in the United States? That's one divorce every five minutes? When you factor in that two out of three divorces are in homes that include children under eighteen years of age, roughly 2.4million children are affected by divorce every year. Two and a half million children every single year, and that number is growing as our population grows, who are taught that a man's word is meaningless.
Am I being harsh? That depends on whose perspective you share. One thing is certain, the modern excuses for the destruction of families - finances, adultery, violence, youth, are just that. They are excuses. The cause of the problem is a different matter altogether.
I will put it to you that the destruction and emasculation of men is a cause. I will put it to you that the destruction of biblical teaching and accountability among men is a cause. I will put it to you that poor parenting is a cause. I will put it to you that poor role models is a cause. And I will put it to you that apathy on the part of so-called 'friends' and the ease of the obtainment of divorce are both causes.
Where does the blame lay for the proliferation of these causes? Three places. Churches, Families, and External Relationships.
This episode I will deal with the first of these locations. Churches you say? How dare I blame churches for the division of families, I hear you cry. Really? How many churches do you attend where men outnumber women attendees? How many churches do you attend that are decorated with flowers, where worship music contains words like "...You call me child and I'll call you Father, Kisses from heaven of joy and laughter...I want to lavish my love on you, Jesus." Believe it or not, this song was written by a guy! There are more Jesus as a girlfriend songs than I care to recount here. Suffice to say that apart from the very effeminate nature of these songs, their theology is questionable at best. At worst, they show how utterly emasculated men are in churches across the country.
Our manhood has been stripped away by our places of worship, replaced by she-manhood that feeds the new societal stereotyping of men as inferior to women. Jesus the Son Of Man has been replaced by Jesus the lover or Jesus the dancer *skin crawl*.
Men are not being discipled by other men, or being held accountable to the Word of God by other Godly men. Churches that cater to "the searchers" could care less about teaching the Word, instead it's one big feel-good party with Jesus the lover and girlfriend and dancer and just all-round caring friend, as the centerpiece. Gone is sin, gone is Hell, gone is wrath, gone is judgement, gone is accountability, gone are men.
I'm not advocating "woe-is-me" Christianity. What I am advocating is biblical Christian places of worship that know how to adhere to God's word, know how to celebrate His love for us, and know how to develop men to lead their families and be accountable to other men to do so well.
If this basic principle is followed, we will have less men leaving their bosses at 5 or 6 or 7p.m and driving home to their other bosses and resenting the relationship that fails to recognize them as man of the home, fails to honor them as husband, and fails to submit to them as head of the home.
We men must recognize that it is OUR responsibility to ensure that we are putting ourselves in the best situation for our personal growth so that we can be the best we can be for our family so that we deserve the honor, respect, and submission that we need. Our wives desperately crave sound moral leadership in the home. They want a man, not a she-man who simply wears pants! Our children need strong decisive and loving father as role models.
Let us be those men, because this is our one shot at this. There are no do-overs. Joe Paterno does not have a do-over that will allow him the opportunity to report the abuse he saw or knew about. He does not have the do-over that will re-establish his reputation and his legacy as the winningest college football coach of all time.
I do not have the chance of a do-over that will afford me the opportunity to have been a better father and husband in my first marriage. That time is past. That opportunity is gone. The hurt is there. The pain is real. Lives have been altered. Children have been effected. My new legacy is written in tears.
What will your legacy be? Will your name be etched into one of those five minute periods when a divorce takes place. Will your children be amongst the 2.4 million who cry for their fathers? Or will you be the man you started out to be? Will you seek out those who can help you get there and leave your legacy that is written not in tears of suffering, but tears of joy and smiles of adoration.
Until next time...
What is your legacy? Who has it touched?
In this blog series I have dealt with the spectre of divorce and its devastating effects on the family left behind when a man walks out on his wife and children. When he does this, he creates for himself a new legacy, much the same as Joe Patero has created - a new and very much unwanted legacy.
As a man, it is our God-given responsibility to love, honor, and protect our family. We are to love our wives as God loves His church. If this is our spiritual calling, why do so many of us fail utterly? Why are there twelve divorces every hour somewhere in the United States? That's one divorce every five minutes? When you factor in that two out of three divorces are in homes that include children under eighteen years of age, roughly 2.4million children are affected by divorce every year. Two and a half million children every single year, and that number is growing as our population grows, who are taught that a man's word is meaningless.
Am I being harsh? That depends on whose perspective you share. One thing is certain, the modern excuses for the destruction of families - finances, adultery, violence, youth, are just that. They are excuses. The cause of the problem is a different matter altogether.
I will put it to you that the destruction and emasculation of men is a cause. I will put it to you that the destruction of biblical teaching and accountability among men is a cause. I will put it to you that poor parenting is a cause. I will put it to you that poor role models is a cause. And I will put it to you that apathy on the part of so-called 'friends' and the ease of the obtainment of divorce are both causes.
Where does the blame lay for the proliferation of these causes? Three places. Churches, Families, and External Relationships.
This episode I will deal with the first of these locations. Churches you say? How dare I blame churches for the division of families, I hear you cry. Really? How many churches do you attend where men outnumber women attendees? How many churches do you attend that are decorated with flowers, where worship music contains words like "...You call me child and I'll call you Father, Kisses from heaven of joy and laughter...I want to lavish my love on you, Jesus." Believe it or not, this song was written by a guy! There are more Jesus as a girlfriend songs than I care to recount here. Suffice to say that apart from the very effeminate nature of these songs, their theology is questionable at best. At worst, they show how utterly emasculated men are in churches across the country.
Our manhood has been stripped away by our places of worship, replaced by she-manhood that feeds the new societal stereotyping of men as inferior to women. Jesus the Son Of Man has been replaced by Jesus the lover or Jesus the dancer *skin crawl*.
Men are not being discipled by other men, or being held accountable to the Word of God by other Godly men. Churches that cater to "the searchers" could care less about teaching the Word, instead it's one big feel-good party with Jesus the lover and girlfriend and dancer and just all-round caring friend, as the centerpiece. Gone is sin, gone is Hell, gone is wrath, gone is judgement, gone is accountability, gone are men.
I'm not advocating "woe-is-me" Christianity. What I am advocating is biblical Christian places of worship that know how to adhere to God's word, know how to celebrate His love for us, and know how to develop men to lead their families and be accountable to other men to do so well.
If this basic principle is followed, we will have less men leaving their bosses at 5 or 6 or 7p.m and driving home to their other bosses and resenting the relationship that fails to recognize them as man of the home, fails to honor them as husband, and fails to submit to them as head of the home.
We men must recognize that it is OUR responsibility to ensure that we are putting ourselves in the best situation for our personal growth so that we can be the best we can be for our family so that we deserve the honor, respect, and submission that we need. Our wives desperately crave sound moral leadership in the home. They want a man, not a she-man who simply wears pants! Our children need strong decisive and loving father as role models.
Let us be those men, because this is our one shot at this. There are no do-overs. Joe Paterno does not have a do-over that will allow him the opportunity to report the abuse he saw or knew about. He does not have the do-over that will re-establish his reputation and his legacy as the winningest college football coach of all time.
I do not have the chance of a do-over that will afford me the opportunity to have been a better father and husband in my first marriage. That time is past. That opportunity is gone. The hurt is there. The pain is real. Lives have been altered. Children have been effected. My new legacy is written in tears.
What will your legacy be? Will your name be etched into one of those five minute periods when a divorce takes place. Will your children be amongst the 2.4 million who cry for their fathers? Or will you be the man you started out to be? Will you seek out those who can help you get there and leave your legacy that is written not in tears of suffering, but tears of joy and smiles of adoration.
Until next time...
