What Miley Cyrus has in common with my girls.

Hello all, and welcome back. I hope you'll sit a while and visit with me as I have something very important to discuss with you. I pray that you'll read this blog carefully, and share it with others...

In my last blog post, I shared with you just what my father means to me. He is a wonderful example to follow. Hard working, a devoted husband, man of honor, and a selfless family man. I also shared that I chose not to follow his example - like so many others from Generation X an onward, I went my own way.

I humbly submit to you that it is far too easy these days for men to go their own way. We have lost the stickability that defined marriage in the "good old days". Billy Ray and Trish Cyrus have gone their own way. My brother went his own way twice. My wife, Rebecca, was the victim of a cad who went his own way. Countless men have gone their own way, deciding that the relationship they have with their wife just isn't 'doing it' for them. They're not what they were or what we thought they were. Whatever one of the endless sea of excuses they use to take those devastating steps out of their home, men are deserting their families in droves.

In my next post, I'm going to focus on why men are doing this. I'm going to offer up some insights into the modern man's psyche and how the degeneration of society and the community of faith allows men a pass thus reinforcing the modern male psyche. In the post after next, I will look at what men must do in order to turn the tide, and in the final entry in this series on family, I'll discuss what women can do in the home to help solidify the man's position as head of his home. This includes how not to emasculate him.

For now however, I would like to take a look at the silent victims of the marriage breakdown -- our children.

Miley Cyrus has a few things in common with my two daughters, Jody and Jessica. With Jody, she shares rare musical talent. With both Jody and Jess, she shares good looks. But the most telling comparison is the fact that Miley Cyrus and Jody and Jessica Armstrong are victims of divorce.

I sometimes wonder if men who are contemplating divorcing their wives understand that they are divorcing their children too. I wonder if men truly sit down and evaluate what their children mean to them and ultimately what divorce is going to mean to his children, and how it is going to affect them. I know I did not. Would such statistics have meant something to me at the time? For me, I would have to say a resounding yes, but we do not have the luxury of hindsight when we're in the midst of the storm.

Some statistics then, that I guarantee you men do not consider when they're busy feeling sorry for themselves and are looking to go their own way...

• 50% of all children born into a family with a mom and a dad will see their parents divorced. Almost half of them will also see the breakup of their parent's second marriage
• 10% of those children will witness the breakdown of three or more parental marriage breakups! 
• 40% of all children in America today are being raised without their fathers

• Teenage children of divorce are three times more likely to need psychological help in a given year
• Children of repeat divorces get much lower grades at school and their peers judge them as less pleasant to be around
• A study done on children of divorced parents was conducted in 1991. It showed that even six years after the divorce of their parents, they still suffered from loneliness, anxiety, unhappiness, and insecurity
• 70% of long term prison inmates grew up in broken homes
• Children from broken homes suffer more psychological disorders than those from homes where one or more parents have died
• Children of divorced parents are more likely to be aggressive towards others
• Teenage children of divorced couples are far more likely to have sex and favor cohabitation that those from homes that maintain both parents. And before you say "not my kids" think again. Kids from this study were considered very mainstream.

• Child poverty has far more to do with the status of the family unit than the color of their skin. 70% of all black babies in America are born to single mothers compared to 26% of white children. The poverty rates among these children correlate
• Children living with both biological parents are 35% healthier than those who have suffered divorce
• Most molested children come from single households or are the children of drug users
• A child in a female led home is 10 TIMES more likely to be hurt or murdered!

These statistics are sobering to say the least. Do men even know about the existence of such statistics? If you're unsure, pass the link to this blog to every man you know, and every woman who is married to one! 

I thought about my children as I read these stats and the research behind them. Anxiety, loneliness, insecurity, they suffer from them all to varying degrees. Just what affects my divorce will have on them into the future, I do not know, but I pray each day that they will be minimized. Thankfully, their mom is very good to them, as is her new husband, but that is not the case for so many other children of divorced families. 

An old friend once told me - "How do you know a politician is lying?" I asked "How?" to which he answered "When their lips are moving." Statistics however, do not lie. 

My message to the men of the home is simply this. Unless there is infidelity, you stay there. You pour over these statistics and you understand the carnage you can leave behind and you stay there. You examine your heart and you tuck your children in at night and you stay there. You look in the mirror of your ensuite or your bathroom before you climb into bed with your wife and you say that you have the best marriage in the world and you stay there. And you reach out to God and His word and you call on Him to help you be the man you were meant to be and you stay there and you love your wife and father your children. You don't get a second chance.

Until next time....